The past few weeks have been pretty troubling to me. I’m becoming more and more aware of my body image issues. I’ve always had them, and I’ve always struggled with my weight a bit, but they have becoming more intense recently.
I think I’m getting aware of how much I love my boyfriend and how I don’t want to lose him, and I’m getting paranoid that I don’t look my best that he will start to look elsewhere. Don’t get me wrong, he’s not exactly perfect himself physically, but when we are thinking this way I don’t think we think rationally do we?
I am trying really hard to do the right thing and I’ve been researching online to try and get some good diet and exercise information so that I can try and make a more balanced decision on where I am. I found some really good information out there, including Podaima Performance, and all this has helped me to try and get a sense of proportion of where I am in terms of my overall physical health.
But I think what I’m starting to understand is that my body image problem has been there pretty much all my adult life, and probably before. And it’s something I wasn’t really aware of I don’t think.
The problem I always seem to have is that I will go on a diet and get into a good exercise regime for a while, but then it starts to slip, and when it does I start to lose heart and it all goes downhill rapidly. So not sure if it’s I’m doing the wrong thing when I’m dieting and exercising, or its my emotional health crashes it too quickly.
I’m hoping that blogging about these issues will help me to confront them a bit better. Even typing out what I’ve written here is helping me to rationalise what is going around in my head. I can see that I’m not particularly overweight, or unattractive, but it has built up in my mind into something it probably isn’t recently. And I have to address that now, before it becomes a real problem that requires some sort of intervention.
I’m thinking of joining a gym and seeing if that sort of structured approach can help me to be more regimented in what I do. The problem with that is fitting it in time wise, and I’m concerned that I might get obsessed the other way and end up becoming a mental gym bunny.